In the Heat of the Moment by Lisa Ryan, MD
This speech addresses a select population: those who have had a problem, then felt powerless, and then denied any responsibility in the situation. Yes, this speech is for all of us, so listen up because here are some “in the heat of the moment” pointers that are tried and true!
When life presents difficulties, we have decisions to make. If we aren’t deliberate about these decisions, it’s like wandering blindly into oncoming traffic and hoping it all “works out.” These important decisions often happen in the heat of the moment, when the chips are down.
The first goal in managing a trial is to ACCEPT that it is happening. That may seem obvious, but denial is a powerful tool. It allows us to avoid difficult things, especially things that we need to address. We tend to zero in on parts of what is happening and ignore the rest. Not only that, but we like to color the parts we’re noticing with our own palette. The “I’m really right” palette is a universal favorite.
Although someone or something may truly upset our world, nothing can dictate our response. Viktor Frankl talks about this in his well-known book, Man’s Search for Meaning. As a psychiatrist forced to enter a Nazi prison camp, he observed that there is one place that no person and no situation can gain control. That place is one’s mind. We manage our minds - no one else can.
After we ACCEPT our situation, we must ASSESS our thoughts. We choose thoughts that are helpful or hurtful, honest or dishonest, right or wrong. When we choose thoughts that are helpful, honest, and right, we choose to help ourselves. We open our eyes and stop playing the victim. If we choose thoughts that are hurtful, dishonest, or plain wrong, they boomerang back at us and magnify the power of the situation. We give our power away.
When assessing our thoughts, write them down and take an objective look at them. Ask a trusted friend for help. Our ability to see things from another’s perspective is limited, so input from outside our selves is invaluable. Others can see possibilities that we don’t and help us correct misguided thoughts – if we’ll listen. This takes humility… but that’s a whole other talk!
One of the bravest questions that we can ask someone is “What is my responsibility in this situation?” Make sure you ask a wise person who cares enough about you to tell you the truth. Beware, because we usually tell our stories in a manner that will elicit the response we want. In other words, if we want sympathy, we tell the story sad and leave out the parts that would make it less sad. If we want to be perceived as strong, we pass off the story as something that really doesn’t bother us, even when it does. ANY story can be told with a slant. Be careful how you tell your story to others and yourself. I’m not suggesting that pain, or anything, be denied. I’m suggesting that the whole truth be told.
Once we have ACCEPTED that we are in a situation and ASSESSED how we are thinking about it, the next step is to ACT. Action can be physical or mental or both. No matter what the situation, we get to choose how we will respond. This gives us power. It’s always our job to manage this power.
Too often we look for answers that keep things the same, or worse, keep us the same. Sometimes answers will, by necessity, rock our lives. Opening the window to change allows for a fresh breeze in a stagnant life. Answers are found in the winds of honesty and courage. At times, the best answer is to endure bravely, and mine the gold along the way. It is in such times that character grows. It is in such times that faith is established.
When life, or someone, pours acid on your tiny cut or gaping wound, ACCEPT what is happening, ASSESS your thoughts, and ACT. Act as if your choices matter and shape your future – they do. Whether from a little ember, or a raging forest fire, the heat of the moment holds opportunity. Open your eyes, survey your mind, and move forward in power.
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