Friday, February 11, 2011

In the Heat of the Moment

In the Heat of the Moment by Lisa Ryan, MD

This speech addresses a select population: those who have had a problem, then felt powerless, and then denied any responsibility in the situation. Yes, this speech is for all of us, so listen up because here are some “in the heat of the moment” pointers that are tried and true!

When life presents difficulties, we have decisions to make. If we aren’t deliberate about these decisions, it’s like wandering blindly into oncoming traffic and hoping it all “works out.” These important decisions often happen in the heat of the moment, when the chips are down.

The first goal in managing a trial is to ACCEPT that it is happening. That may seem obvious, but denial is a powerful tool. It allows us to avoid difficult things, especially things that we need to address. We tend to zero in on parts of what is happening and ignore the rest. Not only that, but we like to color the parts we’re noticing with our own palette. The “I’m really right” palette is a universal favorite.

Although someone or something may truly upset our world, nothing can dictate our response. Viktor Frankl talks about this in his well-known book, Man’s Search for Meaning. As a psychiatrist forced to enter a Nazi prison camp, he observed that there is one place that no person and no situation can gain control. That place is one’s mind. We manage our minds - no one else can.

After we ACCEPT our situation, we must ASSESS our thoughts. We choose thoughts that are helpful or hurtful, honest or dishonest, right or wrong. When we choose thoughts that are helpful, honest, and right, we choose to help ourselves. We open our eyes and stop playing the victim. If we choose thoughts that are hurtful, dishonest, or plain wrong, they boomerang back at us and magnify the power of the situation. We give our power away.

When assessing our thoughts, write them down and take an objective look at them. Ask a trusted friend for help. Our ability to see things from another’s perspective is limited, so input from outside our selves is invaluable. Others can see possibilities that we don’t and help us correct misguided thoughts – if we’ll listen. This takes humility… but that’s a whole other talk!

One of the bravest questions that we can ask someone is “What is my responsibility in this situation?” Make sure you ask a wise person who cares enough about you to tell you the truth. Beware, because we usually tell our stories in a manner that will elicit the response we want. In other words, if we want sympathy, we tell the story sad and leave out the parts that would make it less sad. If we want to be perceived as strong, we pass off the story as something that really doesn’t bother us, even when it does. ANY story can be told with a slant. Be careful how you tell your story to others and yourself. I’m not suggesting that pain, or anything, be denied. I’m suggesting that the whole truth be told.

Once we have ACCEPTED that we are in a situation and ASSESSED how we are thinking about it, the next step is to ACT. Action can be physical or mental or both. No matter what the situation, we get to choose how we will respond. This gives us power. It’s always our job to manage this power.

Too often we look for answers that keep things the same, or worse, keep us the same. Sometimes answers will, by necessity, rock our lives. Opening the window to change allows for a fresh breeze in a stagnant life. Answers are found in the winds of honesty and courage. At times, the best answer is to endure bravely, and mine the gold along the way. It is in such times that character grows. It is in such times that faith is established.

When life, or someone, pours acid on your tiny cut or gaping wound, ACCEPT what is happening, ASSESS your thoughts, and ACT. Act as if your choices matter and shape your future – they do. Whether from a little ember, or a raging forest fire, the heat of the moment holds opportunity. Open your eyes, survey your mind, and move forward in power.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Your Change Meter

Life Change in the New Year by Dr. Lisa Ryan

The mike is off, but the brain is still on. I was inspired to send this out during a recent walk…

I see clients who want change in their lives. Few arrive at my office understanding that they themselves are the ONLY agent of change over which they have any true power. Even fewer want to pay the price for change. In my deepest prayer, I ask God to help us to be able to catch the vision of true freedom and its reward. We are free to let go of our old habits and change. Here’s how to tell if you are changing:

Change involves pain, discomfort, and internal wrestling. On a scale of 0 to 10, are you registering any score on the “discomfort of change” meter? If not… ain’t much happinin’. I used to think that if I felt too uncomfortable, that something was wrong with my process. I now know that I should anticipate a lot of discomfort when I set my mind on change. If we want to continually change, which I do, then there will always be some discomfort.

“Sweet words of change” don’t get us anywhere, but it is easy and alluring to speak them. “Of course” we need to learn to love others more, judge less, and forgive. “Of course”, we say, we are willing to do our part. “Of course”, we understand that change starts with us. “Of course” we “want” more self-discipline. “Of course!” And sadly… the process often stops there – with the words.

With a little faith, we can choose to believe in ourselves, in God’s goodness, and in a different tomorrow. Change has an uncomfortable price, but the reward in self-esteem, serving others, pleasing God, and watching how we grow in integrity makes our discomfort seem only “light and momentary.” For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!], 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Have a great NEW Year! AKA, here in Hawaii, Hou’oli Makahiki Hou!


YOUR choices count!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Letting Go For Higher Ground

Today is a landmark day for me; it will be my final Talk YOUR Story show – at least for now. Letting go of things is difficult, but if we ever want to be free to move to God’s higher ground for us, we have to. God calls us from glory to glory as we grow. Like the trapeze artist who cannot hold on to one bar while grabbing the next, we must rely completely on faith as we move between the bars, aka move forward. It scary and exciting. God loves a heart that will put confidence in HIM. Want something fresh? Want to move forward? Want excitement and adventure? Want freedom to live in joy? Then, loosen the death grip on “whatever,” and LET GO. God has got your back! I hope you can share this final show with us!

Music for Today's show:

Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood
Let it Rise by Holland Davis

Friday, August 21, 2009

Taking The Hit

Did you ever think you needed to make a change, but didn’t do it? Was it something big like breaking off a partnership or changing the way you interact with a loved one? Maybe it was a call of God on your life… Why don’t we do what we know we should do, or even must do? Taking the steps to make a change involves loss and usually pain, a “hit” of sorts. Have you thought about the cost of living in the familiar? Listen in today as we explore common barriers to change, and easy, yet challenging, reasons to “take the hit.”

Music for today's show:
All The Power You Need by Darlene Zschech
I'm Free by Jon Secada

Books mentioned:
Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman and James Reimann

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Power of Self-Boundaries!

Against gentleness and self-control, there is no law. Galatians 5:23
Isn’t it easy to point a critical finger, especially at a spouse? Since we can’t control or change someone else, why not put our energy where we DO have some power? Often we want something from someone that we don’t even offer ourselves. Sometimes, we don’t express our needs in an effective way, or we fail to draw boundaries when they are needed. These things are our own responsibility. How wonderful it is to open our hearts to correction, knowing the whole time that God loves us right now, just as we are! Join us on the 14th or you’ll be missed!

Music for today's show:
Wash Me Lord by Harvest
All That Is In Me by Harvest

Friday, August 7, 2009

Boundaries, Part 2

The Bible uses the phrase “unfailing love” 32 times. Not once is it attributed to humans. It would be wise for us to consider our own imperfect love as we continue this week on the topic of boundaries. In the book, Boundaries in Marriage, Henry Cloud and John Townsend discuss 10 “Laws of Boundaries.” They are likened to gravity in that we don’t have to acknowledge them or even “believe in them,” but nonetheless, they are in effect. I think it wise to educate ourselves, so that we will recognize them when they are in play and take responsibility for protecting our marriage, our spouse, and ourselves. Now doesn’t that sound good? You BET it is!!

Music for today's show:
Love Takes Time by Mariah Carey
A New Day Has Come by Celine Dion

Thursday, August 6, 2009

We're On Twitter

Talk Your Story is on Twitter!
Another way to stay in touch!

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